Fun Stuff – Suthen-ism’s (From an e-mail I received)

I am from The South. If y’all are from The South, y’all know what I mean. If y’all are not from The South, well, I pity y’all. I received this in my e-mail today and reckoned all y’all over yonder in other parts of the world might enjoy being enlightened.

• Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
• Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
• Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder..”
• Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
• Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
• All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
• Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
• Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
• Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
• No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
• A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
• Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we’re “in line” … we talk to everybody!
• Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
• In the South, “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural.
• Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
• Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
• When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
• Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
• A true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say “Bless her heart” … and go your own way.
• Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, … bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language! And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads “I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.” Now…… Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you’re a Northern transplant,bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

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